Myself, Yazz (left) and Mido (right) |
One of the most interesting things I find about living in Saudi Arabia, is the gender divide. Now, don't get me wrong, I understand that there are religious and cultural reasons for this, however it is still something that leaves me quite bemused at times, as it is so counter cultural to my experience in the UK.
This gender divide also leads to interesting ways for people to celebrate these important occasions that usually take place with men on one side, and women on the other.
Even at work, after Grade 3, we teach boys and girls separately, with the boys being taught in the women's section until then. Male teachers are not allowed to enter the girls' side, and female teachers on the whole, are not allowed to enter the boys' section.It makes life interesting when we are trying to work collaboratively, and need to offer a pretty similar curriculum to both the boys and the girls. It is even more challenging when the majority of the school management are female, but somehow or other, we manage.
I have managed to make a good number of Saudi friends. Some speak English, but there are some who only speak Arabic, so we work away on Google Translate and the international language of Shisha.
Mido and I at his brother, Akram's wedding |
It doesn't mean that mothers do not take an interest in their children's friends, or even make an effort to get to know them in other ways. My friend, Mido's mother will often send over food when he comes to visit, and will often ask about me. When I had my car accident last year, his whole family were asking for me, even though they had not met me. There is real and genuine compassion shared from these ladies towards me, and they themselves are also touched by the way in which I have become involved in their family celebrations.
Mido with his usual huge smile. |
'Parties' are generally held in large halls. They are often referred to as wedding halls, but I guess that any large celebration could be held there.
The first two times I attended such events was to go to weddings. My friend, Mido, has a large family (16 brothers and sisters in total), so it isn't uncommon for him to have a brother or sister getting married, or another nephew or niece being born. It is great, as there is always something to celebrate. He first invited me to the wedding of one of his brothers, and then, a few months later, to one of his sisters.
It has been great getting to know Mido, as I now know many of his family and they consider me a friend also, even though we can rarely communicate in English.
Someone dancing at the wedding |
When we weren't drinking gawa, we were also offered chai nana (tea with mint). This is sweetened but is also served in small glass cups.
At the first wedding there was little music or entertainment as such, but we did step outside into a large courtyard with many carpeted areas for people to sit and chat. At the far end, a fire was blazing, and there were some traditional musicians who banged away on drums while the men danced around, waving large sticks in what appeared to be quite a tribal fashion. This came as a surprise at first, however for many people in Saudi, it isn't long since their families were living nomadic lifestyles in the desert. It is much easier to picture the same image somewhere in the desert than it was in this fairly modern wedding hall.
Me with a big stick. The man is holding what looks very like a bodhran |
These kids looked so cute in their little thobes |
Look, I'm really getting into it :) |
Traditionally, Saudis will eat with their hands, though usually just the right hand. They may use the left to help tear at bread, but otherwise it is just the one. They may pour over a hot sauce, or a watery, tomato based sauce to add flavour to the rice before picking at the meat and mixing it with the rice in the ball of the hand and putting it into the mouth. This can be pretty messy while sitting on the floor so people will usually sit cross legged, or on their hunkers, and the floor is covered with a plastic sheet to catch any mess.
The drink of preference these days is usually Pepsi (Bebsi as the Arabic language has no 'P' sound), but may also be also Sbrite / 7-Ub or other soft drinks. There is usually a large amount of water available also. Of course, there is no alcohol, as in general, Muslims do not drink alcohol, and it is illegal to bring alcohol into the country.
It is also considered polite for the host to pick off some of the meat and place it in front of the guest to eat. This is exactly what Mido did, though he was under strict instructions that I did not want any brain. I still find these things challenging at times. I don't have a huge problem eating with my hands, but I do not like the feeling of grease on my palm. I am also far too used to butchered cuts of meat that give little clue as to the source of the meat I am eating. I am also not used to such huge quantities of rice. The Saudi way of eating however, is very sociable and is a real leveller.
For the next wedding however (Mido's sister's), I made the decision to go dressed in traditional Saudi clothing. This made an incredible difference to be experience. I also went with two other friends.
Myself and Abadi |
I arrived with Yazz and Nabil. Nabil had chosen to wear shirt and trousers, while Yazz had opted for the thobe with nothing on his head. We arrived and introduced ourselves and waited about to meet someone we would know. Thankfully it wasn't too long before Abadi (Mido's brother in law with whom I have been camping several times) arrived. He helped me to put on the ghutra and egal and organised it into an interesting design on my head. Needless to say, it did not stay like this and needed fixing many times that night. It was all part of the fun however, and I really got into trying to do it myself. Apparently spray starch is one of the key contributors to keeping the shemagh / ghutra in place. There are many different ways of doing it, and I look forward to mastering a few of these over time. The following link gives some handy ideas to start with (http://saudijeans.org/2009/09/07/how-to-wear-a-ghotra/). Preferably I would love to try 'The Cobra'.
Apparently I look like a proper prince sipping on my gawa |
What it did however, was make me feel much less conspicuous. While wearing a kilt, even in Glasgow, attracts attention, the thobe has no such effect as it is such a part of the local tradition and is worn more so than even a suit for business and leisure. My students have even commented on how their fathers have special ones for wearing at home to relax.
It meant that I felt much less self conscious as I wondered around, as fewer people were watching me. It also meant that when I was introduced to many of the family friends, they were surprised when I did not speak Arabic.
Lots of swords and sticks |
The evening consisted of more dancing with sticks, and there was a 'band' playing traditional music and dance performers who would loop and spin in their brightly coloured clothes. Most of the event took place indoors however, so the majority of the guests could sit and enjoy the performance while enjoying their gawa. Again, I was dragged up to join in and took a turn with the stick as I marched around the groom.
After the food was served, most of Mido's friends and brothers went and sat outside. It was still warm but it was nice to sit out in the fresh air. The children ran around and some of the guys also had their young daughters with them.
Traditional musicians |
A whirling dancer |
The final such event that I have been to (so far) was a much less expected incident. It was a real honour too, as I don't imagine many non Saudi people will ever be invited to such an event.
Late one Wednesday afternoon I received a text from my friend, Khalid, who I had helped out a while back with a few conversational English classes. We had met a few times with another of his friends 'Meshal'. They were both mutual friends of Faisal, a guy I met fairly soon after I arrived in Saudi. He had put me in touch with them, and we had had some good evenings stumbling over our Arabic and English with a good Shisha. Sadly, Meshal was transferred to Riyadh, and we stopped the classes. It was a surprise, therefore, when months later, I received this invitation out of the blue. It had clearly been translated on Google Translate and took me a while to decipher. Essentially, he was inviting me that evening, to a celebration of his father and some others, at being promoted to Major General in the Saudi Army. While I sat at my desk debating whether I could really abandon another late night planning, I knew that this was an opportunity that would never come again.
I asked Ali to contact him to check what I should wear, and whether I could take another friend as I expected I might have a challenge with communication. This was all good, but I then had to find the location. Jeddah does not have a system of building number, street, district and post code, so when I was given the name of the hall and the general area, I had to try and figure it out for myself. The difficulty was then to choose which spelling (using English letters) I should use for the Arabic name of the hall. In the end, I contacted my friend, Turki, who had moved to Oxford, and Faisal, who was in Australia, using Skype. Eventually, with a few phone and Skype calls with Faisal, we got there.
Myself and Alistair |
As we walked up to the door, Khalid turned to face me. He took a second glance as I said his name, and he realised that it was me, once again, in my thobe. I shook his hand and then introduced Alistair. He quickly led us to the front of the hall and introduced me to his father and a group of the other men who had been promoted. They were all so kind and welcoming, and did what they could to communicate with me in English as I spluttered out my few English words. He then took me to find a seat and found some of his friends to introduce us to, thankfully, many of whom, spoke English.
Tucking into some hashi |
These people were incredibly friendly and happy to chat away. In the background was the rhythmic sound of Arabic poetry being recited. This was the primary form of entertainment as particularly conservative Saudis will not generally listen to music, and dancing is also discouraged. I asked on several occasions if the poetry was Q'ranic, or based on the Q'ran, but I was told that this was not a time for the Q'ran, which honestly surprised me as so much of Saudi life is infused with the Q'ran, and the words of the Prophet. The poetry generally focussed on the theme of promotion and success.
We were sat opposite an Imam, which in Sunni Muslim tradition does not necessarily mean that he is attached to a mosque, but could be a recognised scholar of Islam also. He would regularly ask questions which his friends would translate, trying to give us information about Islam, and sharing with us the respect that Muslims have for followers of Christ, which they rightly assumed I was. It was interesting conversation as the mention of religion is a tricky one here in Saudi, and I would generally not initiate a conversation with a Saudi person I didn't know, about my Faith. These men were very keen however, to share with me about Islam. Yet they did not push it, and were very quick to say that whatever our belief, we are all people, all brothers and sisters, and that that was the most important thing. I was warmed to hear such an attitude in times when this fact seems so easily forgotten.
The plate was HUGE |
After dinner, many of the men left. It is considered rude to leave before eating, however it was interesting to see how some of the men were getting agitated as the serving of the food had become particularly late. Once you have eaten, you are free to leave, and many of the men did, leaving a few of Khalid's friends and some others remaining.
Posing with the swords: Myslef and Alistair with Khalid and his friend |
Alistair showing us his moves |
It was nice to spend the last 20 minutes of our time with these guys, fooling around and posing like warriors. We had once again managed to make some new friends and it was nice to feel so relaxed around them.
Crossing swords |